I have always prided myself on being self aware. Recently, I learned that I was not as self aware as I thought.
I have been under tremendous stress. I have had stressors in my life that have caused me to lose sleep and spend a lot of time crying. My temper is short. I’m tired. Panic attacks have started and overall I am a hot emotional mess. It is in the midst of this mess that I realized for years I have been self medicating.
When people asked me about my eating habits a year ago I would tell them the wonderfulness of my diet. I eat organic. I eat lean, fresh, non-antibiotic meats and eggs. I eat seafood. I eat fresh greens and steamed veggies. Sure I would indulge in sweets and boy could I hold my liquor, but overall I ate healthy. What I did not realize is that I was also a HUGE stress eater/drinker. I can see it so clearly now because in the midst of everything life is throwing at me the very things I used to cope with this kind of pressure are the same things I cannot have.
I haven’t had a panic attack in years. You know why? Because pre surgery when life went to hell I would go to the Royal Oaks order a double of Jameson neat and a order of garlic wings and work on that until I either felt better or was buzzed enough to sleep. Or I would go to the store buy blackberries, vanilla ice cream, and proceed to make drunken blackberry cobbler with a whisky sauce that would make a 5 star chef wish they had my recipe. That’s how I slowly went from a size 14 (when I got married) to a size 28 (just before surgery).
So what does a girl do now? The upside is I can still eat bacon!
Total weight loss: 103lbs
