Please forgive any grammatical errors in this post. It’s 3:24, I’m in bed, on an iPad (instead of at a PC) and I just shouldn’t be held responsible for misusing “to” when I meant “too”.
So, a few things. I talked to a guy yesterday who agreed to be my personal trainer. He was so sweet and kind. Believe it or not I never lacked confidence in myself as a person. It must be the Sagittarius in me, because I always felt secure in who I am despite my weight, but being able to admit that I cannot get myself in shape alone. *Whew* that was hard for me. He made it easy to ask for help and I appreciate him for that!
I went to church Sunday. That’s freaking HUGE! MASSIVE! I have my reasons for not going, but I got an IM from a childhood friend basically asking me when I was coming. We had a brief convo where I told him I don’t do congregations. And to be honest I didn’t plan on going. However, Sunday I got up, got dressed, and went. And I’m glad I did. Sometimes in the midst of stressful times God speaks to us in unlikely places. And for me church is about as unlikely as a monk in a strip club.
My job may be easing up soon. I swear for the last 6 weeks I have felt completely overwhelmed. 10 hour work days. Trying to juggle 4 separate programs. Phone calls. E-mails. Home Visits. Excel files. Lists. Letters. Nursing Homes. All of this and keeping a smile on my face has been a challenge. One I suspect I have been failing. (Read I’ve been a bitch). To all my friends who have overlooked it, forced me to laugh about it, or just forced a hug on me in spite of myself… Damn I love y’all!
I’m exhausted, which means I’m in bed by 9 and awake between 3 and 5… I gave up caffeine and sugar and that means I’m cranky, but on the plus side I am down 35lbs by myself. That is important to me. Because even though I am having this surgery Tuesday, this proves to me I am ready, committed, and capable of changing this aspect of my life. It’s getting close and I’m a little scared and a lot nervous. And in truth I’m looking forward to the anesthesia… I may get some real sleep.