Where Bariatic Weight Loss meets a "Die-Hard Foodie" and chaos ensues.

It has been pointed out that my posting is too infrequent. So, what’s new you ask? Several things…

The first is an observation. I don’t like the “bariatric” diet. I cheat regularly. Daily even. *gasp*. Yup, I an having secret meetings with fresh fruit, raw spinach, steak, and my dietary version of crack — BACON. Now, I know that doesn’t strike you as too horrible, but my body does not like all this roughage. Nor is said roughage, red meat, and bacony goodness on the approved list of foods.   My system does pretty good with steak as long as it’s tender and I only eat a couple ounces. I stick to no more than one or two thin slices of bacon and life is good. But the fruit and spinach. The new gastric system is no quite as happy. It’s not painful, but I am gaseous. So I have developed a strategy that includes Gas-X by the case and so far that seems to be helping. Score 1 for me.

This segues into my next “dietary” experiment. Whisky. Now for those who know me, you understand I enjoyed a double of Jameson neat. So, it is no surprise that I would test this theory of “no alcohol consumption” put forth by my weight loss team. I was informed that drinking is no longer an option for me. I chuckled at that concept and nodded politely knowing full well I was going to test that limit. So, today I did, and dammit if the doctor wasn’t right! 1 shot. 1 shot and I was lit like a Christmas tree and in need of DD to get me home. There was a time in the recent past when I could toss back several doubles and still be the most sober person in the room. Those days are long gone. I will not be testing the alcohol limits again. I enjoyed the calming effects of Jameson, but now it is closer to comatose after 1 ounce. It’s just not a good feeling. So, score 1 for the Doc…

Lastly, my clothes keep falling off of me. Yeah, I know. It’s a great problem to have. Except, I have to leave the house everyday, and I can’t go 2 weeks without needing new clothes. This week I realized the size 18s I was so thrilled to fit now require a little help to stay up. The 2x sweaters I was sure would last the winter now fall off my shoulders. And the F cup I prayed the Lord would let me keep has collapsed into a 36DDD. I feel awkward and deflated. You never realize how much of your identity is tied up in your appearance until it changes dramatically. For me it was the twins. Babies rested easy on them. They got me out of speeding tickets. Occasionally they got me free stuff and upgrades. I put them with a pretty smile and some charm last year and got a very nice buy back price on my old iPhone. Men were mesmerized by them. They had an almost hypnotic effect. Now, not so much.

People compliment my appearance and it’s good to hear. I appreciate it. I’m not sure I deserve the “proud of you” statements. My stomach is the size of a golf ball. It’s not like I didn’t have drastic help. I am still working out. But, I am feeling a weird mix of pretty, but not myself. Almost like I don’t fit in my skin anymore. I feel out of sorts. It’s odd that at 303lbs I knew who and what I was. I had embraced me even if that me was in horrible health. Now at 228lbs it’s a struggle to get comfy in my skin. I don’t recognize my face in the mirror. Today I actually thought to myself maybe you’ve lost enough. I know that’s not rational. I’m still overweight. But the prospect of losing 75 more pounds is a little scary. Not because it seems unachievable, but because I don’t think I know how to be that Ingrid.

Advertisements

Comments on: "Experiments, Missing Cups, and Identity Crisis" (2)

  1. Recie Peace said:

    I’m absolutely certain that this Ingrid and that Ingrid mesh well. The body changes often but the heart remains the same.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: