As a general rule I stopped blaming things on satan. You know how we Christians do. We tend to blame any and everything contrary in our lives on the horned wonder. We never really want to take responsibility for the crappy stuff we do — outside of saying we were weak in temptation and our humanity could not resist the wiles of the devil.
The Lord is not fooled by us. So rather than go around blaming satan for my shortcomings I decided quite sometime ago to just admit that sometimes God tests me and I fail.
That said, today I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when out of the blue my cell rang. I was in the middle of something important and couldn’t answer it and since the person on the other end didn’t leave a message I said I’d call the number back later.
Well… when I got around to calling the person back I noticed a 704 area code. My brain immediately went to defcon 3 (or Terror Alert Elevated for those post 9/11 people), but I quickly realized that one of my girls just moved to the Carolinas so I put my alarm on standby and called the number back. After 5 rings “Coach’s” voicemail picked up and that bass from his voice made my alarm system go haywire. Warning, Danger Will Robinson!
It started calling all cars, sending out smoke signals and cussing all at the same time. Why, might you ask? Several of months ago I went into this long post about how I wasn’t in love with him anymore and I had finally moved on with my life.
I didn’t lie about it. The truth of the matter is that nothing jumped inside me when I heard his voice. On the contrary, I got a flashback of the hell I had been through in or 8+ years of “relationship” and I registered extreme shock that he would even call. It was more of a “What the Fuck” kind of moment.
However, there is still a very real and present danger in that phone call. The danger is that even after all this time, all the lies and all the emotional trauma he still feels he can walk in and out of my life at will. There is an arrogance and audacity that screams “I’ll keep coming back till you give in”. He is testing my strength, and it is ironic that this call is coming at the dawn of my 1 year, self imposed, celibacy anniversary and he was the last person I had relations with.
So all this begs the question. Is God preparing me for something or someone new and just testing the waters to see if I revert back to my old habits? Is the Lord asking me to prove I am ready for whats next? If so, I understand and this message is to God.
I got your message and I heard your warnings. Don’t worry. We got this!
