I sat watching Black in America for two nights trying to find something — anything — that tied this together for me. I was watching this time knowing I was going to see a bunch of bullshit but intent on gleaning something of substance from the vat of empty calories Ms. Soledad is insistent on feeding the world.
So what did I get from all this? To be a black person in America means you possess a certain level of hunger. I’m not talking physical hunger, but the mental and emotional hunger that comes from knowing there is something better and bigger out there for you.
How do I justify that statement? Well, it took two days to figure it out and of all things I was watching Jay-Z’s D.O.A. video when it hit me. There is a level of bravado, ego, arrogance, “swagga,” — hunger – that pervades the black community, and how that plays out for us and the rest of the world is based on how it’s fed, nurtured or left to fend for itself.
Case in point, there very first segment was a case of that hunger being fed with McDonald’s. Yes Malaak’s idea was filling, much like a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, but there was no nutritional value in it.
The children in this segment were required to be nothing on the front end but fail. They were flunking, they had no attainable ambitions, and nothing was required of them that allowed them to earn the trip to South Africa. This to me creates a vacuum in which the children who, by Malaak’s own admission, were already receiving unearned handouts in the form of welfare and community charity were given yet one more thing for free.
And in turn for that bit of charity these children went across the ocean to give more charity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not a pull yourself up by your bootstraps republican who believes those who don’t earn should starve, but neither am I a free-love-throw-money at the issues democrat. My sensibilities lie somewhere in the middle; in that place of true Christian charity and community responsibility. I think that to truly give a person (especially a child) the tools to uplift oneself you have to start by making it known that you have to EARN it.
Children who are always given something and not taught the true essence of charity is not what is given, but rather that it was yours to give and you sacrificed of yourself in order to help your fellow person. There was no sacrifice anywhere in this segment. Malaak isn’t sacrificing anything. The children didn’t sacrifice anything. So what was the point? You asked nothing of these children and then you cry because they are still failures. Really? Seriously? You think? You never demanded or required anything from them and now you have only gifted them with the view that our broke isn’t as bad as their broke. Hmmm.
I have said repeatedly in the past that I agree with Oprah’s assessment that the children in the US do not appreciate the opportunities afforded them freely simply by being born here. I agree that seeing true poverty in other places allows our children to recognize even in the direst situations here in the US they are still provided with a door to get out. That door is education. But what good is showing children all of this and never requiring they walk through it. In my house education is the priority. My 14 year child failed the 8th grade last year. In the state of Ohio they socially promote children who have passed their minimum skill tests regardless of the class work they do. My child passed her minimum skills test but didn’t do anything of substance to pass her course work. She was lazy and I signed off on keeping her back. Why would I do this? I did it because failure and mediocrity are not an option here. You will do it well or you will do it again.
Now to some, holding the child back may be a drastic move. I am still catching hell from my mother for doing it. I could have sent her to summer school. I could have paid even more money to have even more tutors get her caught up, but the truth is she needed to have her hunger to write and work with children (her dream) fed with something of substance. She didn’t flunk because she was slow. My child has had her poetry published in two national books poetry and has won essay contests for her writing. There is nothing wrong with her mind. To be honest she was just used to a system that says we don’t expect much and learned that her schools don’t require much to be promoted. So as a parent it is my job to show her that I could care less what “they” don’t expect. In our home the bar is set at stratospheric heights. Achievement is not an option it is a must. The second Malaak made no requirements for the opportunity she was giving — the moment she gave with no conditions on achievement — she doomed her program to failure. How can you make children who live mired in failures achieve if you don’t first require them not to fail?
Conversely, we have Mr. Steven Perry. Here is a man after my own heart. There is nothing critical I can say about his magnet school. There are those who will criticize his strict attitude. His belief that details matter even to the extent that the children are required to where prep school uniforms, but regardless of how he pulls it together for those children — it works. It works because the details really do matter.
Mr. Perry said something in his segment that struck with me and will probably be the mantra in my house for many years to come. “Our children have got to learn to play hurt.” That’s it in a nutshell for me. Life is going to deal you blows. People are going to do some fucked up things to and around you. Everyone is not going to agree with you, like you, love you or give a damn about you. Sometimes these people will be the ones who should love and protect you. When this happens how you deal with it is important. Even in all that physical and emotional pain you have got to learn that the game of life doesn’t stop. You have to keep playing. Tape up you ego, bandage your spirit, grab a cortisone shot for your broken heart and do the work.
We have a very real problem of letting everything get us. Everything is racist. Everything is a personal affront. Everything is drama worthy and shuts down the show. I see that attitude everyday and everyday it baffles me. Whining and crying never solve the problem. It doesn’t fix the situation. It won’t give you the edge you need to correct the wrong or set right the problem. What it does is give proof that you have accepted defeat. You have decided to starve rather than fight to feed your hunger. Starvation is not an option for me and neither can I allow it to be for my child.
This is why we have to be tough with our children where education is concerned. Is education the great equalizer? I’m not sure. What I know with certainty is that without it you’ve made yourself powerless to be anything other than what those giving you handouts define you as.
Many of our children come into to this world at a cultural disadvantage. At this stage in the game it is not always racism, but rather the simple fact of being culturally disadvantaged. Poverty breeds inequity. Lack of access breeds inequity. A lack of strong, positive, male and female role models in the home breeds inequity. Unfortunately, black and brown children suffer the highest numbers of all three. So how do you counter this? Mr. Perry hit the nail on the head. We practice longer, stay later and work harder to make up the gap. You do what needs to be done to get it done. It’s really that simple.
When it stops being about what everyone around you is doing to you, for you or against you and becomes a game you play for yourself — whining and crying are no longer the reaction. You understand the world is going to do what it does. Therefore, I am going to do what I need to do in order to succeed in spite of.
This mantra will not turn all these children into executives and multimillionaires, but what it will do is give each and everyone of them the foundation and background to become productive citizens. It will give them the basis of what they need to live a life full and without the restrictions that poverty and failure place on a person. They have been given the tools to dream and achieve that dream. You can’t ask for more. It’s the difference between feeding that hunger to succeed with pipe dreams of NBA fame and feeding it with the substance behind the real advantages that come with an MBA.
Now on to the Executive training program… I think that this program is a good idea with one serious flaw. *SIGH* How exactly do you teach a person to run with the big dogs if you tell them they can’t use their teeth to take down the pack leader?
What do I mean? If you aspire to live and function in the world of the powerful you must use all your attributes to your best advantage while doing your best to neutralize your flaws. This includes playing the race card, the gender card, or any other card you may have in order to gain the advantage over the competition. I was never made for that kind of game playing. I guess I’m not that hungry. However, the reason I know I wasn’t meant for it is because I understand what you have to do to win.
If you are unwilling to use what you got and make it work for you then you are destined to fail at being a power broker. If you want to win you must be willing to play the game using your best skills and exploiting your opponent’s weakness. I like that he is putting more of us in contact with the people who play at that level. I just hope in his optimism that there is no need to use your race and/or gender he doesn’t forget to tell his students that you tailor your story to get the results from your audience. You can’t just know your story; you also have to know who you are telling it to and what part of that story puts you at the greatest advantage over your competition.
Now on to the black elite… They are black. They are elite. They will remain both black and elite. And they feed their hunger on the caviar of exclusion, the filet mignon of superiority and the lobster of intermarriage. I’m not mad about. I don’t hate on them. I personally think this is the way of the elite regardless of color. Hell, if I had been born one of them I’d probably be that way too. I think the woman Soledad interviewed had that vapid air of the elite that disallows them to see the real world they so desperately try to pretend they are not a part of. Had I been trying to prove the point that black folks regardless of status experience racism and struggle I wouldn’t have picked her. But that is just a personal assessment. I have been wrong before.
Well, that ends my commentary on day one of Black in America. I was even less impressed with day two. The next post will most likely include a rant with regards to the guy in prison and Tyler Perry. I liked the Project Brotherhood segment and Geoffrey Canada’s initiative.
Let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing your opinions.
