Sexual Ambiguity
Posted by Ingrid on 11 October 2007
I am going to attempt to be as unbiased as possible on this topic. So please bear with me as I muddle through.
I am a straight, heterosexual woman who believes God is against homosexuality. I do not think you choose to be gay (I have a relative I am 99.9% sure was born gay). I am unsure how to reconcile the belief that homosexuals are born that way with the fact that my faith says that is a BIG no-no. Admittedly it is an enigma for me. I am sorry I cannot help it and I willing admit there are things I do not know or get. It is just my personal opinion.
Once I set aside my personal opinions and feelings on this topic, I have to look at the human aspect of their journey. I am a firm supporter of civil unions, insurance availability for partners, and legislation that honors their rights to live as human beings without fear of reprisal for their lifestyles.
I am appalled that a homosexual couple can live together, love together, share a life and when one person dies their family has the right to come in claiming “next of kin” and heap more pain on the partner left behind — simply because there is no real legal protection of their rights. I am against cruelty because you cannot accept your child’s lifestyle. Love is love and sex is something else. In order to commit your life to a person there is so much more than sex involved.
I think that as Americans we must recognize one of the sacrifices of living in a free nation is that we are here with a plethora of people who do not believe or choose to live like we do. I think that often times in this country we forget that our freedoms end where another persons begin.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad caught a few snickers by saying that his country does not have a problem with homosexuality. I believe him. Homosexuals are killed with out thought in Iran. If you know that lifestyle will end your life who will admit to it and who would get caught trying to live it?
It is considered their duty to protect their culture from what they considered unholy or subversive behaviors. This also goes for pre-marital sex, unwed pregnancies, religious diversity and a host of other things we accept as the norm. As a result they have fewer of these issues and considerably less freedom. It is a trade off. We are too diverse to pick and choose freedoms.
Having said all of that politically correct stuff I now have to clarify and qualify some things. While I don’t personally care what you do in your bedroom and don’t feel you should be penalized because you do it. I also don’t want to feel like your lifestyle has to be okay with me. It is not okay with me. I wish there was a way to fix it, but I am sure you wish you could fix a few things about me too. So let’s agree to disagree and I won’t try to make you straight if you won’t try to force me to be believe its okay. Let’s just live and let live.
So imagine the look on my face as I watched the news this morning tell of a woman was forced to leave a restaurant because the bouncer got a report that there was a man in the restroom. I was in a quandary. How should I feel about this?
The bouncer unsure of her gender asked her to leave the restroom and eventually the restaurant because kept insisting she was a woman. She went as far to try to prove her gender by pulling out her ID. This is the price you pay when you do not look your sex. I am not saying put on a dress and heels, but something feminine helps when people are trying to identify your sex without strip searches. The restaurant is in the business to make money and you cannot make any if the people who patronize your spot are uncomfortable. A man (real or not) in the ladies restroom is disconcerting to say the least.
I am only mildly sympathetic. I mean let’s be honest ladies. You go into a restroom and a “man” walks in behind you. You look around to make sure your eyes are not playing tricks on you and when you look closely you see this person has not one ounce of femininity in them what do you do? You leave immediately and go tell someone that there is a strange man in the ladies room. I personally say “excuse me sir…um you know this is the ladies room right?” When the response comes back “I’m a girl” — I’m not apologetic I am more likely to have a look that says something akin to “for real… you’re really a girl” in my disbelief. While you should not be discriminated against how can you really be pissed about that mistake? YOU LOOK LIKE A DUDE. Whether you can choose your orientation is not at issue. You can choose to not to look like a dude and as with all choices if your choose to be manly then you should expect that something like this will happen. I am well aware that there is precedence and actual laws on the books that allow people to use the restroom that they identify with and I have no problem with that. I am just not sure you should be shocked that many people are taken aback by your choice of expression.
Just a thought.
GC said
re In order to commit your life to a person there is so much more than sex involved
this is so true.
and I see your point.
I would totally feel uncomfortable if I felt a man was in the restroom or locker room with me. I can understand if a person does not feel comfortable wearing feminine clothing. For a long time I used to wear a lot of baggy clothes and such. But you could still tell I was a girl!
nastya said
I think you’re a bit off with this one. I don’t think this lady, or anyone else, should have to subscribe to society’s notions about how she should present herself.
For all we know, foregoing makeup and frilly clothing and cropping her hair short is how *she* most feels comfortable. We cannot assume that this is her way of wanting to “look like a man.”
To assume so would be presumptuous on our part.
Buck said
This story is very confusing. So, you are a woman and you see a man in the bathroom. You freak out, go call a security guard. You don’t want a man checking you out when you’re trying to do your business. Only you find out the man isn’t a man, he/she/it is a woman. So that’s OK? You especially don’t want a woman checking you out while you’re trying to do your business either. I haven’t read the story yet, but is she gay? Or is she a manly looking woman. I know some manly looking women that are straight.
Wow, look where we are today.
aulelia said
This is an interesting topic. I think black people of african descent etc have a tough time with homosexuality. I know that in my home country that it is looked down upon but I just feel like if someone is in love with someone of the same gender, I am happy for them because love is a beautiful thing. Gay people should have equal rights 100%.
ingriddanielle said
@ GC…Same here. I hate to shop and have admitted it often. I prefer comfy clothes and shoes. but even in my non prissy state people KNOW I’m a girl.
@ Nastya… I appreciate your comment and while she is free to dress as she chooses there are consequences for all actions. You cannot presume that everyone you will encounter thinks like you and while out in an open area how you dress is of little concern to anyone, the restroom is a private place. I didn’t feel it presumptuous to state the obvious. She looks like a dude.
@ Buck… Yes she is gay…and admits that her appearance is manly. The woman who saw her go into the restroom immediately went to get the bouncer and the bouncer demanded she leave. She is suing because she feels her civil rights were violated. I don’t think she is wrong for that …I just want to understand what she expected to happen when she does look like a man.
@ Aulelia… I agree. As a people it is hard for us to accept homosexuality, and while I don’t agree with it — I agree with you that if that’s what makes you happy and you see nothing wrong with it — it is not my place to relegate you to second class citizenship. They do deserve equal rights… I guess I am just going to have to learn to be more tolerant of the “man” in the stall next to me. *SIGH*