Good Morning Lord
By Ernest Varner
Dear God,
There is a purpose in me. My life feels so crowded with things that restrict my focus on you. I feel you in me. I feel the calling pulling at my heart. I am so frustrated. I want to fulfill your purpose for me. I can’t move until I can truly hear your instruction. Open my ears and my mind to you God.
With each day I feel you calling me to humble myself. To strip away those things I use to hide myself. To tear down the walls I have used for so long to keep people from seeing the real me. I feel you calling me to take my masque off and just be me. I understand that it is in my raw state that you will actually be able to use me. I do not see where this road is supposed to take me and it is that unknown that I allow to hold me back from my destiny. Stop me from myself God. Take off my brakes.
I have heard all that you have spoken to me. First and foremost it has never been me it has always been you and I acknowledge you as the true power behind the person who is me. Nothing good has been accomplished by my hands and only the mistakes and missteps are mine…consequences for not listening you when you spoke into my life.
I have heard you tell me that I don’t need a back up plan because I have you. I don’t need to plan and strategize. If I would just listen to you; you have every step planned for me. I have heard you say I need focus. I recognize that when I accepted you everything that WAS me is now gone and only the things that you see as useful remain. I know this means vengeance is gone. I don’t have the capacity for it. I understand hate is gone, my heart can’t hold it anymore. I know that judgment is gone. I cannot tolerate it anymore. I know that these things are not just gone for me but they are gone for those who come in contact with me. I understand that I can never be holy enough to handle any of those things wisely. Only you have the power to leave some one to a mind that has given up on you. I understand that vengeance belongs solely to your wise hands and judgment can only be done when you have the whole picture and in my puny mind I can only see what is obvious to me.
I hear you Jesus. I understand that I am standing in my own way. I understand that only you can move me out of my way and being the gentleman you are you won’t do it unless I ask. I come to you asking, begging, pleading; please move me out of my way. My life belongs only to you. My heart is fully yours!!!!!!!
I need you Jesus and without you I would have died long ago. Even as you saved me from my own destructive self I still fought. I still made the same mistakes. I recognize that as my failing.
I know that I have to be transparent for this to work. I know that I have to let go of my arrogance. I admit to my fallibility. I am not perfect. I AM NOT PERFECT. I admit to that. It is you Jesus I want to please. It is so hard for me to admit that I cannot handle it, I cannot do it, I “don’t got it,” You know I have lived my life to this point being able to “handle it all.” That was the lie I told myself. You are the only one who can do any of this. I admit this to you Lord and my life is not falling apart. There is no crisis this time Jesus. The water around me is calm, and yet I still need more of you. I wake up each morning knowing I am blessed. I go to sleep each night understanding you hold my life. If I never make another dime, if I find myself homeless, car-less, family-less, child-less, dog-less, friend-less I still KNOW you got this. I know it.
God I turn me over to you. You move it. It’s time now God. I’m listening now Jesus. I’m listening.
I have been called to teach God’s people…it’s funny how God is always right there when you are ready to accept his job assignment. Maybe that is because he is just ALWAYS right there.
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© 2006 Michelle Lang & Still Water All Rights Reserved
