And God Saw
By Kent Drake
I know it is unusual to have 2 posts in one day but this touched my heart. I was surfing my favorite blogs when I came across the blog of a gentleman who discussed his feelings about father’s day having “lost” a baby when his then girlfriend decided to abort. He supported her then but now looks back and wonders “what if”. This all natural, but as I scrolled through the comments the people who discussed his post were very polarized. It is that polarization that brings me to this post.
Many of the people in the comments used Christianity to be so judgmental, with one person relaying the story of how his girlfriend was verbally abused by so called Christian Pro-lifers. My heart ached because I have been there.
I have a confession to make. In 2000 I had a late term abortion (14 weeks). My reasons were that I was then dating a man who turned out to be married, I understood the financial and emotional burden that a child without a father would place on me, and already having one child with an absent father I could not fathom bringing another child into my mess. No one yelled at me or called me names but the fear of being found out left me with few people who understood what I was going through. Only my closest friends and parents knew. My friends quietly let me deal with what I was going through (offering shoulders) and I know my parents were ashamed. I am sure it hurt my mother the most because she could not have children of her own. I was never been able to seek counseling from a spiritual leader (which in hindsight was probably best) because I knew the judgments would come.
I considered adoption, but I knew that once the child was born that would be a done deal and I would not be able to feel him move, give birth to him and not keep him. I cried for a long time and when asked I just told people I lost the baby. This one decision (although I do not regret it) scarred me for a very long time.
I know many of you may be pro-life and I respect your views, but at the end of the day that choice is not anyones to make but mine. I do not know a single person who will tell you that abortion is easy or that the after math is not devastating. I took a life. I understand that. I also realize that no one is perfect.
Yet, isn’t this where God shows up? I wonder when we get SO saved that we can judge other’s sin and not look in the mirror and see our own? No where in the bible does God differentiate between big sin and little sins. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). All sin holds the same weight. It seems that sexual sins create the biggest stir, but are we so far gone that we cannot recognize when God forgives us he doesn’t pick and choose. When he wipes our slate clean he does not say “well… I’ll forgive all but the sex sins.”
I am firmly pro-choice. I can say that because God gave us free will. We can choose in all aspects of our lives. All of those choices are not good, but we have them. I am also pro-consequences. “For the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). Without salvation this is the consequence of sin. With each decision we make there are consequences that come with them. I cannot fathom using Jesus’ name to strip away the choices he died on the cross to give.
That is right! Jesus died to give us the right to choose how we live. Before the cross there was no option to get into God’s presence. With that one holy act of sacrifice Jesus’ gave us a choice. I can choose to live it for him and have all the benefits that come with being saved. Or I can choose not to live for him and live my life according to my own tenets; therefore opening myself up to the consequences of that choice.
This encompasses everything…including abortion. As Christians rather than spewing hate at the act wouldn’t we set a better example by showing love in spite of? It is so easy to be self righteous but true righteousness is what God has called us to. We are held at a higher standard and each time we judge someone’s sin we let God down. Judgment is his job alone. Our job is to show the world the wonders of the God we serve by being living examples of his legacy.
I would never serve a God who changed at a whim. There is only one stipulation that comes with salvation and forgiveness…”For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).
I believe it is a sin to take a life. I’m not sure I would have done anything differently then, but now that I am saved I know I couldn’t walk that path again. Yet, it was still my choice to make. I understood that I would never be able to handle that situation again so as soon as I was able I had my tubes tied and accepted that I had given up my last chance at having children. It worked out for me, but that is still a consequence. No one will ever be able to understand the guilt I felt. I took me a very long time to get past it. I have accepted that guilt as a consequence…and yet I’m still saved.
It is my sincere hope that through my post at least one person stops and thinks before saying something judgmental about a woman who has found herself facing this issue. Not many cavalierly choose to abort. Very few go through this process without some damage to their heart. At the end of the day I wish we would realize that Jesus was the biggest pro-choicer of them all. God is against so much of what we do daily yet he allows us the freedom to choose which path to take. That is not to say that he does not pass out punishment and consequences for wrong choice, but he does not force us to do what is right.
So if God in his infinite wisdom is that gentlemanly how can we in our small a feeble lives take that away?
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“‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’ And they said, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved . . . .’ “(Acts 16:30-31)
